"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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