Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
