I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
