I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I want a musical about memes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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