He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Be still, my beating vagina.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
