i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
