The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
