But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
