I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
