i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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