Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
