Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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