I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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