who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
