If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
