Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
