you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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