then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
