I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
