Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
