I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
