I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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