I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
