she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
