so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
