I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
