also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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