there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
