At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
