I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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