Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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