you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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