question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I sprained my soul last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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