yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
