1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
