do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Quick, to the slutcave!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
