woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
NoShamevember. You game?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
