My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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