I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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