I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
