If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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