i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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