people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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