She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
