So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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