I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
