Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
sarcasm needs its own font
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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