theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
