She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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