is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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