I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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