This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
