dude i'm inner monologue high
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
