Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
