So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You pole danced in your parka.
I want to be your penis for a week.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
