if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
