he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
