My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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