This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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