sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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