Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
