Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
