Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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