He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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