What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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