y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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