you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
