i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
