I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
