Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
