Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
