woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
