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running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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