Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
