Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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