i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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