someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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