Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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