Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm bleeding and have questions
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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